the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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