Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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