I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
