I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
