I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
foreskin is a definite game changer
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
