The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
