guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
