Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
