please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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