you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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