Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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