i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
