I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
