I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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