I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
