Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
