I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize