his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
