do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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