I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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