Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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