I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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