Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
