Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
