i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize