Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
