peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
