I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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