your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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