Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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