I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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