if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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