so explain again why im purple
no
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
