direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize