I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
