turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
