please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
