Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
