he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you will always have a special place in my vag
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
