I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
