u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
