You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
