Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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