Only a mothe r could love this liver
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
