TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
