Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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