He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
