Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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