Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
