Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
