the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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