"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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