just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
