Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How does one acquire holy water?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
