I will die if light touches me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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