I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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