I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
