Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
