I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
